Zombi 3 (1988)

The thing most genre fans discuss when it comes to “Zombi 3” is not usually the film itself but whether which director, Lucio Fulci or Bruno Mattei, is responsible for such a crappy film. Well, that and maybe the infamous scene with the flying zombie head, which alone should tell you something right there. We’re going to avoid the oft-discussed Fulci/Mattei controversy and instead talk about the actual movie, as much as it may pain me to do so. Everything you’ve heard about this one is true…it really is that bad.

A gang of guerillas steals a “top-secret” canister containing a nerve agent called “Death-One” from the government. You expected for them to name it maybe “Happy-One”? During the ensuing chase, the canister infects the dude carrying it and he in turn becomes a zombie in the vein of “City of the Walking Dead”. These zombies are of the infected kind and not really the “rise from the dead” variety, though I guess they do that as well, we just never really see it. The army quarantines the motel where the infected guy is staying, kills the dude and eventually burns the body back at government headquarters. Borrowing from “Return of the Living Dead” now, the fumes from the infected body are released into the air, right as a huge flock of birds are flying by. Birds’ breath fumes, birds become bird-zombies (!), attack local populace, local populace become zombies, local American G.I’s fight zombies, army and scientists argue about what to do…end of story.

This thing is so inept; I really have no clue where to begin. The acting is as atrocious as you would expect, characters act and talk in the most idiotic manner imaginable. When you see the first shot of the films “heroes”, bopping their heads to some piss awful euro-pop tune, you’ll know you’re in for a long ride. The zombies themselves seem as confused as the film’s script, one moment their shuffling around in typical zombie tradition, the next they're moving like lightning and swinging a machete at your face. Not sure about you, but I like a little consistency with my zombies as this schizophrenic zombie behavior really annoyed the shit out of me. They also hide in the most amazing places, such as underneath hay in an open field or in a closet, just waiting for the right moment to pop out. Hey, at least their patient huh? The zombie make-up is really bad as is the rest of the “gore f/x”. When a zombie goes to rip off someone’s face, it looks like they just spread play dough and red syrup over the victims face for that tried and true “mangled by zombie look”. Oh, and of course who can forget the “flying zombie head” in which two nit wits looking for food open a fridge only to have a strategically placed severed head fly straight at them…how it does this I have no fucking clue, but it does. Maybe it was related to that fat dude from “Cemetery Man”, which is another (and much better) film with a flying zombie noggin. Sigh. This one is just a miserable mess, and coming from me that’s saying a whole hell of a lot. Christ, even Zombo hated this movie…so you know if a real life zombie hates it, it’s simply gotta be bad. And it is.