Prom Night 3: The Last Kiss (1989)

While “Hello Mary Lou” wasn’t exactly the greatest film ever made, compared to this third entry in the “Prom Night” series it’s a bona fide masterpiece. Everyone’s favorite super slut from hell, Mary Lou Maloney, is back on the scene at Hamilton High School having recently escaped from doing time in Hades. Here her spirit falls for a dude named Alex, the self professed “most average guy” in school. After a night of banging Mary Lou in the school hallway, Alex soon discovers he’s getting straight A’s, scoring touchdowns left and right, and even gets a Harley for his birthday. Of course as luck would have it Alex soon finds out that having a big breasted, slutty girlfriend from hell isn’t as great as it’s cracked up to be. Before you can say “see ya later alligator” Mary Lou starts to kill all those in Alex’s way, with Alex being the one who has to hide all the dead bodies in the school football field. The things a guy will do for a piece of ghostly ass huh? The big questions are will Alex be able to resist Mary Lou’s evil temptations, will his real life girlfriend step in and get her man back, or will you, the viewer still be awake by credits end? Ah, questions, questions.

While “Hello Mary Lou” had its share of silly humor, it still had a bit of a dark side to it, something this Prom Night whole-heartedly avoids. This trip to Hamilton High is pure straight up comedy, and bad comedy at that. It’s sorta like the humor you would find in a Troma produced flick, though here it’s even worse if you can imagine that. It almost seemed like the filmmakers knew they were making a pretty bad film and decided to do a parody of the second flick, but maybe that’s just me. The effects ranged from decent to shitty; with some of the lamest murder scenes ever filmed…ever see a guy get stabbed to death by a pair of ice cream cones? It is fairly gory, but it’s so cartoony looking there is no capacity to shock, get a laugh from, or whatever the hell they were trying to do. The entire flick also felt way to long, with the “climax” taking forever to deliver what has to be one of the lamest endings ever witnessed, and I’ve sure seen my share. The only positive I could find in this flick was actress Courtney Taylor, who has bigger tits than the previous Mary Lou (Lisa Shrage) but not necessarily all the spunk. Still, she looked good while murdering and quipping Freddy like one-liners, and that’s all I need. Basically I’m fairly easy to please, so you know when I say a movie like this one blows, it really does indeed. Only view if you are a Prom Night completist or something. Piss on it.