When The Grudge came out several years ago, all I heard via word of mouth was how scary it was, the scariest I’ve ever seen, blah, blah, and blah. I hadn’t seen the original Japanese version (still haven’t), nor did I know much about the whole Japanese horror vibe that was picking up steam at the time, especially with the success of the Ring films. Since American studios have been devoid of any original ideas for horror in a long, long time, The Grudge was ripe for the picking. To their credit, Sam Raimi’s "Ghost House Productions" got the original director, Takashi Shimizu, to do the American version in respect to the original film. The key word there is "American", so I can imagine Shimizu’s troubles at shooting the same film for an entirely different culture/audience. And, since this is an American horror film in the year 2004, what do Zombo and myself get in way of reassurance that this film is really scary? How about a PG-13 rating and Sarah Michelle Gellar in the starring role? Oh yeah, Zombo will be sleeping in my bed for the next month I’m sure...

I almost hate being so harsh on this one because I haven’t seen the original Japanese version. It would be like an American studio redoing Dario Argento’s Suspiria, completely blowing it, and the reviewer has no clue that the original is truly a great, scary film. So please keep in mind any negative comments are based solely on the American redo, and no fault is thrown at director Shimizu, because I think he did his best to retain some elements of his original version.

The Grudge is essentially a haunted house movie. Horrible event occurred in house, bad vibes linger, bad vibes attack anyone that enters house. Gellar plays an American student who, along with the current occupiers of the house, gets entangled in the house’s history and it’s spirits. That’s about it in terms of plot/story, and, actually, the non-linear vibe was the one thing I enjoyed. It was a decidedly non-American aspect, and, while not as non-linear/abstract as something like Argento’s Inferno, it was nice to see Shimizu be allowed to include this in his narrative. Shimizu also shows a clear knack for atmosphere and subtlety, always two key elements in any successful haunted house flick. But, there’s another element that’s key to a good spook flick, and that’s fear.

The Grudge serves up its scares via the "quick editing" way, by inserting a super fast glimpse of a spook, then "bam" it’s gone. That’s all fine and dandy for a cheap jump scare, but in no means is this any way to build any sense of true dread. Some of the shots of the marauding spirits are subtly creepy, but it’s all in a very tame PG-13 kinda way. Trust me, you can let your ten year old watch this and not have to worry about any lingering emotional scars of any kind. Like I said, some of the quick glimpses you get are decent, but after that split second it’s over…the intensity just doesn’t last. Character wise, everyone was just sort of shallow and uninteresting, and you can care less as to who gets grudged or not. Title star Gellar, though cute in a scrunchy face kind of way, is not to annoying, though also not very interesting either. "Buffy" was there to draw the teeny bop crowd in via the PG-13 rating and, according to the box office, it worked. Shows you what I know, huh?

Before this review is over though, let me ask everyone a question. Is anyone else sick of the token "scary" kid character that is in nearly every horror movie nowadays? You get that here, and, even though it may have been in the original version, it’s seems like all of Hollywood is throwing a creepy kid into the mix in every horror film. A kid making croaking noises and meowing like a cat is not scary. Sorry. Oh, and neither is The Grudge. Piss on it.