13 Ghosts (2001)

Every once in a great while I decide to venture out of Apocalypse Headquarters, hit the old theatre and see what the current state of the horror film is. After watching “13 Ghosts” however, I was damn glad I had free passes let me tell ya’. The same folks behind the “House on Haunted Hill” remake made this one…so I sort of had the feeling it was going to suck. Oh, and suck this one did…big time. A father who is trying to get over his wife’s recent death is trying to raise his two kids on his own. Living in a shithole apartment and being poor as dirt, things are not looking to swell overall. Just when things are looking their worst he learns of an inheritance from an eccentric uncle. The catch here is the uncle was a collector of ghosts of which he has gathered 12 of the most dangerous spirits to reside in his ghost “jail” in the basement. He also has completed work on some type of machine that opens the “Eye to Hell” which needs 13 spirits (guess who the 13th is) to give it the energy to run. Of course, once the family is there the ghosts don’t stay locked up anymore as they get loose and terrorize everyone. “13 Ghosts” has that super slick look to it (like an MTV video) full of quick cuts and “look but don’t blink” editing. Sometimes that stuff works, but usually it does not, as is the case here. I also quickly grew to hate the characters, which is not good from a directing view, as you are supposed to get the audience to sympathize with the family. The daughter is dumb and annoying, as is the little kid, not to mention the family’s nanny who acts like the “token black character” the producers wanted her to be. The ghosts themselves looked cool…but were just not very scary. You also get a crappy “love conquers all” ending guaranteed to make you retch. Don’t even bother renting this one when it comes out.