Flash Gordon (1980)

“Flash…aahh, aahh, he’ll save every one of us!” C’mon, any self-respecting review of “Flash Gordon” just has to open up with that immortal line. Trust me, after seeing this flick, those words from the Queen provided soundtrack will be stuck in your noggin for weeks, whether you like it or not.

Earth has been struck by a series of natural disasters, all caused from space by a dude named Ming, your typical evil emperor type who attacks earth for the simple reason that he can. Our “hero” is Flash Gordon, quarterback for the Jets and owner of one really bad eighties feathered haircut. Our man Flash and this chick Gale stumble onto a wacky scientist who is getting ready to launch his home made rocket into orbit to fight Ming, and the two find themselves going along rather unwillingly for the ride. Soon our trio arrive on the Ming ruled planet Mongo, get into zany adventures and, of course, save the universe.

The saving grace for the film is the truly impressive set and costume design, along with the special effects which at times aren’t really so special, but hey, sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. Things do move along rather well as you never have to wait long for the next fight or what not to come along, so at least you won’t fall asleep or anything. Acting wise, Max Von Sydow steals the show as Ming, making the character really live up to his “Ming the Merciless” moniker. Everyone else is average (Gale, the hawk dude and the Baron), to really bad (Flash), to really sexy and slutty (Ming’s daughter). You get it all folks. This baby is full of some really choice dialogue and logic, and you’ll find yourself howling at the screen during most of the film. For instance, when Ming’s in a planet destroying kind of mood, he has a nifty panel full of buttons labeled “hail”, “floods” and “earthquakes” to unleash on his whim. However, when he inquires to his Darth Vader looking sidekick what the name of our little planet is, he never says to himself, “hmm…so that’s where my earthquake button got it’s name!” Follow me? In the hero department, I was a little disappointed by Flash, a super hero with no super powers and who is nothing more than a big dumb jock. I kept thinking to myself that if this dude is the savior of the universe, we be in some deep shit. Still, lame hero or not, this one’s got enough cheese and bad movie appeal to make it really hard not to like, at least a little. Worth a look for sci-fi fans, or anyone who’s looking for lots of unintentional laughs. Now if I could only get that damn Queen soundtrack out of my head…