Halloween 8: Resurrection (2002)
As the Halloween series progressed through the years, I think it's fairly easy to say that the quality of the films were pretty much pure shit after the fourth film. I talked about this lack of quality in a sequel sense in a previous review, so I'll try not to repeat myself, but goddamn did these things just get worse and worse with each passing one. This sonofabitch right here, 2002's Halloween: Resurrection is the creme of the crop of stale, boring, uninspired movie-making...in other words, it's a serious piece of shit. And I Do Mean Serious.
Ignoring everything from parts four through six, we pick up sometime later after the events of Halloween: H20. Remember how Jamie Lee axed Mike's head at the end of that one? Well, boy are you a sucker...it was the wrong fucking guy! Goddamn that Michael is clever...he switched clothes with the paramedic and everyone was fooled! Sneaky sonofabitch, ain't he? Anyway, that's how this film explains the Shape's return, and back he is, in full black outfit and William Shatner mask. How the fuck? Anyway, Big Mike struts off to the local Haddonfield Asylum where Lauri Strode has been locked up, awaiting big bro's return. Micheal returns, gives chase and, in what he never accomplished in five films, finally kills his damn sister in about ten minutes. Bang. All over. So, what does Michael do now? Retire? Disappear in a puff of smoke and goes back to hell? Dance a little celebration jig? Nah, he just does the Myer's strut back to his old house to do, well, to do fucking nothing, I guess. Lucky for him, there's an internet "reality" show that's all set to start filming in his house on Halloween night, allowing a handful of dipshit teenyboppers to explore the infamous Myer's home on the "night he came home". Sounds pretty fucking boring to me. I think you can guess how this turns out....
The problem with Halloween: Resurrection is that it doesn't even try to do anything remotely clever or original in any way. It simply throws all the same, tired cliches at the audience that were tired and cliche even back in nineteen-eighty-fucking-two. Think of a ridiculous horror cliche and it's here, and in fucking droves. I'm not even going to try and go through the fucking list here, if it's a dumb, stale ass idea, it's there. Fuck. My main grip with this is trying to get Michale's motivation to kill. I mean, typically he's after his sister or niece as his main motivation with everyone else just sorta getting in the way. I understand these stupid fuckers are trespassing and all, but really, if they never showed up to begin with, what the hell was he going to do? Stare at the walls? Redecorate the fucking house? The character has no inspiration to do what he does, and he's just here to kill teens that no one fucking cares about. And, while this one is hardly the first to populate it's it's cast with throwaway teens, this one takes the cake for the absolute worst fucking cast in a Halloween film ever. There is a typical lead "good girl" but she's so undeveloped I wasn't even sure if she was the lead girl half the time, and the rest of em, well, fuck em'. Yeah...it's that bad. Icing on the cake of miscast characters would have to be Busta Rhymes as the president of the production company who's shooting all this stupid shit. Busta annoys me by squinting his eyes during every line he delivers like he's taking a strenuous shit or something, and course, he delivers such immortal lines as "trick or treat mother fucker" and the like. Michael, fucking kill him. NOW.
Speaking of The Shape, as in parts five and up till now, he just still seems slightly "off" to me. I think that this one might actually have came the closest to parts 1, 2, and 4 in terms of delivering a decent looking Shape, it's just to bad he doesn't really have anything to do. Again, his entire motivation for killing is gone, so what is left for him? Aargh. The kills are all of the usual variety, such as various whackings, head mashings, etc. No sense of tension or dread is evoked, and well, it's all rather stale. It's also rather fucking boring, this bitch dragged on and on until the inevitable conclusion (he' still alive!) rears it's ugly head. The absolute lowest of the low for the series, worse even than Curse, and that, my friends, is saying alot.