Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers (1996)
As I sat and watched this one, a current theme sorta ran through my head the whole time. It went sorta like, Jesus H. Fucking Christ...this is absofuckinglutely the worst horror film I have ever seen. Probably not the reaction the filmmakers were hoping for, you know? While part five's Revenge of Michael Myers was bad enough, that sucker is a masterpiece compared to this abomination. Yes, I know about the severe cuts and editing that was done to the film. No, I have not seen the "producer's cut" the supposed "good" version of the film in many a fans eye. To be honest, I don't fucking want to. I don't care how severely edited this thing was because nothing, and I do mean nothing, could save this atrocity. Simply put, there are not enough excuses in the world for this wretched mess, and I'm actually thankful the thing was edited down from a longer run time. Bear with me on the plot breakdown, because I truly had no idea what in the name of fuck was going on here, all editing and studio cuts aside.
Apparently, little Jamie from parts four and five is having a baby. It's been six years since part five, and she's been kidnapped by some Druidic cult that has some sort of power over Micheal and serves as an explanation for the mysterious "man in black" from part five. What's the explanation, you ask? I have no idea. Jamie is killed by The Shape as she escapes the cult with baby in tow, while a now grown up Tommy Doyle from part one rescues the kid and becomes it's protector of sorts. There's a new family who has moved into the old Myer's home, Dr. Loomis is back (sadly, his last film would be this shitfest) to do what Loomis does best and Michael, well, here's here as well...for better or worse. Tommy teams up with some broad and her little kid to battle The Shape, and, well...fuck it. I have no idea what's going on here.
Wow. This truly is a horrible film, and it's actually sorta breathtaking to see how bad things have progressed since the success of 1988's Return of Michael Myers. I mean, part five was bad, but this? This is simply fucking wretched. The series has now been bought by Dimension Films, and truly, a Halloween film it feels like not. It almost has that "direct to video" or "made for cable" look to it, and everything here is strictly amateur-ville. The violence has been upped a little bit from previous films, but it's all done horribly wrong. There may be more blood and such, bit none of it is shocking or scary, or really, emits a reaction of any sort. There is no suspense in the tradition of the series, and it's all been done a thousand times over. Michael himself looks ridiculous, I'm not sure if it's the mask, the costume, or what, but something is wrong here. The acting is really fucking bad, the pacing is really fucking bad, the music is fucking bad, the story is really fucking bad, the whole thing is just fucking bad, bad, bad. I could try to expound better, but why bother...you get the point. For hardcore fans or closet masochists only.