Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Remember how the theme song of the wrestler "The Million Dollar Man" Ted Dibiase went back in the day? You know, the opening maniacal laughter followed by the chant of "money, money, money,mooonneeeyyy"? Well, I have a feeling that's what was going through the head of producer Moustaphaa Akkad after the financial success of 1988's Return of Michael Myers. Honestly though, who can blame him? It's the late eighties and slasher films, especially ones with a "horror hero" like Freddy/Jason/Leatherface are all the rage. So, honestly, no one can blame them for wanting to crank out another sequel as fast as they can. Problem is, when this approach is typically taken, a good film rarely comes out as the finished product. Case in point...Halloween 5: The Revenge of Micheal Myers.
Completely abandoning the "twist" ending of part four, where little Jamie inherits her uncle's murderous ways by stabbing her mom at the end of the film, Revenge finds Michael back in Haddonfield a year later to do what he does best, chop up a bunch of annoying teen types as he try's to get to his niece. Speaking of Jamie, she seems to have developed some sort of psychic link with her uncle, as she wigs out whenever he is about to kill and can apparently "see" through his eyes or something. She's also lost the ability to talk since the events of part four and just sorta freaks out whenever the "Michael" vision comes into play. Trust me, it's get's real annoying as the film goes along. Good old Dr. Loomis is back to stop The Shape, spouting his usual lines of "evil" and so forth, and would you believe Michael Myer's has a "soft" side? Who's that mysterious "man in black" with the silver tipped boots and creepy tattoo? Why does Michael have the same tattoo? Why, why, why?
Wow. it's been many a year since I've last viewed this sucker and I can see why. This one is so void of logic and common sense, two items that are rarely in abundance in most horror films anyway, that even here it's beyond stupefyingly stupid. Director Dominique Othenin-Girard shows absolutely no clue as to how the dynamics of the horror film work, throwing every slasher cliche' in the book at the audience known to man. You get the old "it was only a cat' cheap scare, a character who dresses up as The Shape not once but twice to "trick" the audience and on down the fucking line. The only, and I do mean the only thing Othenin-Girard seems to have a flair for is style, as the movie itself looks pretty good. The lighting effects are sorta arty and cool, though the movie itself just does not "feel" like Halloween. There's way too many green leaves around making it feel more like 4th of July than All Hallow's Eve. Bah.
The film's main "action" deals with The Shape as he sorta shuffles around town offing various people close to Jamie. The whole film's formula goes as follows.
1. Michael stalks dimwitted teenybopper.
2. Jamie wigs out and goes into freaky spasms while trying to mouth the words of the latest victim.
3. Dr. Loomis and friends try to guess who the next victim is while Jamie spazzes out...
Loomis: "Who is it Jamie?"
Jamie: "Cook...cookie...wo.wo...womamamam"
Loomis: "Cookie woman?"
4. Myers stabs someone.
5. Mix formula up by throwing in every known horror cliche, and be sure to insult audiences intelligence at every opportunity.
5. Repeat #1 - #6, over and over and over.
Really, that's just about all there is to it. Even Mikey himself seems sorta "off" here. His mask is all fucked up looking (easily the worst of the series) and, while he does the usual Myer's Strut and Slash, the film really loses it by having Michael reveal his tender side by actually shedding a tear. Yes, a tear. He does unmask at one point showing absolutely no signs of being burned in part two, though his hands have burns on them and say, jeepers creepers take a look at those peepers...he has eyes? I thought Laurie Strode shot em' out at the end of part two? Part four can get away with it because they never showed his eyes...just black, soulless holes like he should have. Ah, fuck. This is some seriously crappy, whacked out shit. It's all downhill for the series after this one. Waaaay downhill.