Halloween 2 (1981)

After Halloween was released, it quickly became the most successful independent film of all-time, and the film’s formula was copied endlessly. Horror films weren’t new but unbeknownst to itself, Halloween birthed a new genre – the slasher film. From 1978 to 1981, slasher films rode a virtual tsunami of fake blood across Hollywood. Every possible scenario of placing teenagers in a life or death struggle against someone with a sharp object was churned out in the hopes to cash in on the momentum that Halloween started. Just in those few years, there were all the calendar day slashers: Friday the 13th, Happy Birthday to Me, Mother’s Day, Christmas Evil, My Bloody Valentine, Thanksgiving Someone’s Getting Stabbed Something. There were all the “Don’t” films: Don’t Answer the Phone, Don’t Go in the House, Don’t Go Near the Park, Don’t Leave Your Skates on the Stairs, etc. It seems like a dozen different horror movies came out each month during that era. Some were good, most were bad. Some really put forth the effort and tried to do something new, most just went through the motions to try and make a buck. Halloween II is a little of both.

With the success of Halloween and the popularity of Horror in general at the time, a sequel was a no-brainer. However, three years is an extremely short period of time for a formula to grow stale but that is exactly what was already happening with slasher movies in 1981. There had been such a saturation, that it was to the point of overkill – no pun intended. Halloween II suffers from this. It also suffers from being just a mediocre film. It seems like maybe they didn’t think things through and in the end, it just doesn’t quite deliver somehow. In hindsight, I do have to say that it is actually better than the majority of the shit out at the time or what followed, but brutha, that ain’t saying much. Does that mean it is not worth your time? Probably, yeah, but it wouldn’t hurt to have on in the background. Or I could just tell you all about it.

Halloween II starts off the moment that Halloween ends, which is fantastic. I have a soft spot for film sequels that pick up right where we left off. This all takes place on the same night as Part I, which is way more gratifying than if they did some “Three years later…” kind of thing.

So Halloween II opens with a tracking shot down a tree full of bright, green leaves. Green leaves on Halloween night, you say? I’ll over-look it. Considering that the neighborhood where both Halloween and Halloween II were filmed is actually in Hollywood, literally a stone’s throw from Sunset Boulevard, the fact that they were able to make it look anything like Illinois is pretty impressive.

We are treated to a condensed version of the last few minutes of the first movie to refresh our memory. Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode (and I know our younger readers are going, “The Activia grandma???” That’s right! Good job. Hey, someday you’ll appreciate being regular) is trying to fight off Michael Myers but it looks like her time is running out. Thankfully, Doctor Loomis shows up and unloads his handgun into Michael and saves the day. Did you count how many times Loomis shot Michael? Six times. HE SHOT HIM SIX TIMES!!! You don’t have to remember that because Loomis will tell it to every single person he encounters in this film. Also, for the record, he was shot seven times. Check the tape.

For some strange reason in the sequel, while Loomis is shooting Michael, they decide to include a scene of Michael clearly walking up a ramp so that he can fall off the balcony. That wasn’t in the original and it’s a really bizarre shot. Michael looks like he is defying the laws of something. Maybe the Doyles really did have a ramp off their 2nd story balcony but I doubt that’s up to code as a handicap exit. Anyway, Loomis runs downstairs and out the front door to check on Michael, but all that’s there is the shape of The Shape on the lush, green lawn. The next door neighbor comes out and asks Loomis if all the commotion is some kind of prank because he’s “been trick-or-treated to death tonight.” Loomis responds, “You don’t know what death is.” Yeah! Tell him Loomis! You don’t even KNOW!!!

dah nuh nuh, dah nuh nuh

They decided to switch from the piano to an organ to play the theme in Part II and it is noticeably less creepy. In fact, it sounds kinda peppy and stupid. But damn if I don’t love that font they use for the credits. I want that font for my résumé, my grocery list, my will, etc.

I absolutely adore the first 10 minutes or so of this film. For a little while, it truly does feel like the first film. Michael is on the run and apparently not even phased by being shot SIX TIMES!!! The beginning of the film is fairly creepy and tense. Michael is lurking through the shadows and alleys of the neighborhood and it is all done without a musical score which somehow makes it even creepier. All you hear are the relatively normal nighttime neighborhood sounds of dogs barking, police sirens, etc. Meanwhile you are watching the neighborhood itself just start to learn about the murders from the first film via phone calls and news broadcasts. That’s actually some awesome tension right there. Can you imagine learning about these grizzly crimes that just occurred down the street and the killer is still on the loose? That would be scary as holy shit.

Michael sneaks into an elderly couple’s house and steals a knife off of the counter that the woman is making a sandwich with, because who doesn’t make a sandwich with a butcher knife? He spares the couple but then inexplicably goes next door to kill a teenage girl, I guess because, uh… I have no idea. Why does Michael kill people again?

Meanwhile, Laurie is on the way to Haddonfield Memorial Hospital to be treated for her wounds from the first film. Haddonfield Memorial Hospital is an interesting place because it is a fucking ghost town and it seems grossly underfunded. Thankfully, I haven’t had to spend time at many hospitals but of the one’s I have been to, I’ve seen more people outside the main entrance than I’ve seen in the entirety of Haddonfield Memorial. The full night shift apparently consists of about 3 nurses, one drunk doctor (his name is even Dr. Mixter), and a security guard to staff an entire hospital. Most of the lights are off in the hallways and rooms. You never see any other patients other than Laurie, not counting that pirate kid with a bloody mouth because he was outpatient. There are a few newborn babies in the maternity ward but where are the proud, doting parents? Probably at the party Mixter was at.

Sheriff Bracket and Dr. Loomis are cruising around looking for Michael when all of a sudden they think they see him walking down the sidewalk. Despite the fact that Loomis has drawn his gun and is screaming for him to stop, the man strolls into the street where he is promptly hit by another squad car that appears to be traveling at about mach one, pinning him against a van which results in one of those awesomely-ridiculous, early-80s explosions. Now that the guy is on fire, Loomis can’t tell if it’s Michael or not. So to be sure he has the deputy find a dentist to come to the coroner’s office. I don’t see why that’s necessary. Couldn’t the coroner just tell you whether or not the body has been shot SIX TIMES!!!? As you may have guessed, it’s not Michael that burned up in the accident but rather Ben Tramer – the guy Laurie says she has a crush on in the first film. Jesus, Laurie is having the worst day ever. All of her friends, and now the guy she likes, are dead. Oh well, she’s kinda already moved on to Jimmy. He’s just an ambulance driver now but someday he’ll be The Last Starfighter.

Meanwhile Sheriff Bracket has just learned that his daughter Annie was one of the murder victims. I like that the actress who played Annie was willing to come back to play her corpse in Part II for 3 seconds. One of the cool things about this movie is that almost EVERYBODY from the first film came back. Even though John Carpenter did not direct it, he and Debra Hill wrote the screenplay and he actually did direct a few scenes. They shot in the same locations and even much of the crew was the same from the first film. Not only did Laurie and Loomis return but so did the Sheriff and his deputy, the nurse from Smith's Grove, and even the kid that played young Michael. The man playing The Shape is different from the first but that's a pretty interchangeable role, wouldn't you agree? I mean, you could say, "That's not how Michael walks. The posture is all wrong," but saying things like that just guarantee that the girl from the night club is going to give you a fake number. I learned that the hard way. I want you to be better than me.

Here's a piece of interesting trivia depending on your definition of interesting: They even brought back P. J. Soles, who played Lynda in the first film, though not to play her in Part II, but to play her in Part I again. How does that even make sense, you ask? I'll explain. If you ever wanted to know about the first time Halloween aired on television, boy, are you in luck. You should play the lottery.

When we were young, Ryan and I watched Halloween the way most kids our age watched Double Dare or didn’t watch Halloween, which is to say daily. However, both of our copies of Halloween were taped off of television so neither one of us knew that we weren't actually watching the original version of the film.

You see, back in '81 while Halloween II was in production, the original Halloween was getting ready to premier on television for the first time. However the film was too short to fill the 2-hour time slot especially after some of the more violent scenes or ones that included nudity or drug use were edited. To solve this, John Carpenter used the actors and crew from Halloween II to film additional scenes to be included in the television version of Halloween. So it was this version that I grew up watching and I was never aware of this until my late twenties when I finally bought Halloween on DVD. I was sitting there watching it, admittedly drunk off my face, and I kept rewinding it because I would realize that a scene would be missing and I was like, "Fuck, did I just black out?" Anchor Bay released an uncut version with the television scenes included a few years back and think I prefer it, partly because the real version still seems incomplete to me, but mostly because it includes a fantastic scene where Dr. Loomis is pleading with a panel of psychiatrists to have young Michael transferred to a maximum-security facility. I think that short scene really established the relationship between Michael and Loomis better than anything. Plus you learn in that scene that Michael’s middle name is Audrey. Fuck, is that why he’s killing everybody?

Back to Halloween II , things just keep getting more and more confusing. One of the nurses that is supposed to be on night shift at the hospital is running late because she and her friend were at a party. After they jump into her car and drive off into the night, Michael enters the shot and starts walking (in the opposite direction of the car, mind you) down Main Street Haddonfield which is kinda cool because no one gives him a 2nd glance. Since it’s Halloween night, he’s just another guy in a costume. Michael sees a sign for the hospital with a big arrow so he decides to go that way. The very next shot we see, I shit you not, is the nurse that was running late pulling into the parking lot of the hospital. After she exits the car, the camera pans to her rear-view mirror and we see that Michael is sitting in her back seat. I mean, you could sit there and try to figure out how Michael could have possibly got in that car, but I’m pretty sure that train of thought ends in batshit madness.

Back at the hospital, Jimmy makes Laurie aware that the person that was attacking her was Michael Myers, you know, from the Myers house. I often forget that Laurie has no idea who’s after her in Part I. After learning this she has a strange dream where she is visiting a child in a mental institution and her mother is telling her that she is not her daughter. Weird. I normally dream about tornados or raging keggers.

Meanwhile, we learn that the phones are out at the hospital. We also learn that a walkie-talkie is waaaaaaay beyond a registered nurse’s comprehension.

Now that Michael is on the scene, it doesn’t take him long to start dispatching the hospital staff. The kills range from lame to oh-come-the-fuck-on! For example, one of the nurses and a sleazebag ambulance driver decide to sneak off to the hydrotherapy tub for a dip because if there’s only 5 or so people on the whole staff, who will notice when two of them are gone? Anyway, did you know that hydrotherapy tubs have a scald-the-flesh-right-off-your-face heat setting? Me neither, but they do. Even though there was a big sign that said “TEMP NOT TO EXCEED 100 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT”, the scald-the-flesh-right-off-your-face setting was still an option. If I was the manufacturer of those tubs, I would question why we even make that setting. I can’t think of an instance where that would be therapeutic. And if I was in the legal department of that manufacturer, I would think it was just a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Meanwhile, Loomis and some deputies head over to the elementary school because it seems old Shatner-face must have broken in there on his way to the hospital. I’m sure you’re asking, “Why would Michael break into a school?” Because, silly, he needed to write “SAMHAIN” on the blackboard. It seems that a certain catatonic was studying their ancient Celtic harvest festivals in the mental institution. Now I’m sure you’re saying, “But why would Michael break into an elementary school to write “SAMHAIN” on the blackboard?” Well duh. It’s just like…Hey! Look over there! (sprints away)

Look who else shows up at the elementary school! It’s the nurse from the mental institution from Part I whose company car Michael stole to escape and, damn, does she have some juicy gossip. Even though the murders that Michael committed happened just mere hours ago, and he’s still at large, and Loomis is the guy that knows him best, and he’s hot on his trail, the Governor of Illinois for some reason demands that Loomis return to the institution and there’s a marshal to escort him back. (The fuck?)

Wait, that’s not it. Turns out, there was a double-secret file that was ordered sealed by the courts in order to protect the family (???) that shows that Laurie is actually Michael Myers’ sister, born two years before he was committed. Oh yeah – spoiler alert. Laurie’s parents died and she was adopted by the Strodes. Loomis has heard enough and tells the marshal to turn the car around and go to the hospital. The marshal isn’t willing to jeopardize his orders and career and is like, “Ain’t happ-nin’”. Loomis is like, “Word?” and marshal’s like, “On the real, son.” Then Loomis pulls out his piece and is like, “Don’t make me wet ya,” and the marshal’s like “Aight, aight, we tight playa, damn.” Loomis is like, “Beeyotch!”

Back at the hospital, heavily medicated and with a cracked bone in her leg, Laurie is now on the run because Michael has found her. There’s a prolonged chase through the hospital and Laurie eventually runs out into the parking lot and hides inside a car. Miraculously, Jimmy appears and gets in the same car. Jimmy doesn't look so good because he slipped and fell in some blood earlier and hit his head and now he has a concussion. He tells Laurie that he's going to get them out of here, but then he passes out onto the steering wheel, literally laying on the horn. Thanks for nothing Jimmy, you nutsack. With her cover blown, Laurie knows that you’re not supposed to let people with concussions sleep but, Jimmy, you’re on your own, pal.

Loomis and the marshal arrive at the hospital so Laurie limps her way back inside with Michael close behind. Loomis puts 5 more shots into him and he lays down for a little while and blah, blah, blah. Despite Loomis’ warnings, the marshal leans down to check on Michael and you know how that goes. At this point, Michael is a gaping hole in the NRA’s theory that guns keep you safer.

More running ensues. Loomis and Laurie end up being cornered in a surgery room. Loomis is out of ammo so Michael gives him a little scalpel-action to the gut and drops him like it’s hot, but doesn’t kill him. With a different handgun, Laurie shoots Michael once in each eye. (Nice shootin’ Tex!) So, bullets may not kill the guy, but they obviously blind him because he is just going to aimlessly swing his scalpel back and forth for the next 10 minutes, hoping to hit somebody. It’s like a very long, boring game of Marco Polo at this point. Loomis gets the idea to turn both the oxygen and ether on full-blast and turn the room into a veritable bomb. He orders Laurie out and with the flick of a Bic, the whole shit house goes up in flames.

The next morning we see Laurie being wheeled from the hospital into a waiting ambulance which begs the question: If you are already at a hospital, where does an ambulance take you? (IMDB.com notes that this scene is the only moment from any Halloween film that takes place on November 1st. I love the internet.)

So that’s pretty much it there, kiddies. That’s how the entire Myers chapter of the Halloween saga ends. Michael Myers is dead, Dr. Loomis is dead, leaving no possible chance for three more sequels featuring those characters because, dude, if that explosion didn’t kill them, they were on fire for a really, really long time. On that note, so if Myers and Loomis are dead, where do we go with the Halloween franchise? In the right direction, that’s where. Can you handle the thought of watching a film with Halloween in the title but doesn’t include Michael Myers? Fuck, you just tried to take a swing at me, didn’t you? Hear me out. Because (and I know that 99% of the world’s population will disagree with me) if you want to watch a better film than Halloween II (or 5, 6, 7, or 8), a much creepier film, with atmosphere out-the-ass, watch Halloween III. (ducks punch) You missed me, bitch.