Eaten Alive (1976)

It may be hard to think that such a horrible film like “Eaten Alive” could have come from the same director of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, but anyone who’s seen the majority of Tobe Hooper’s post Saw’ films won’t be surprised by the level of crappiness on display here. A loony old bastard by the name of Jud is running a wreck of a motel on the outskirts of a swamp. Jud adheres to the most popular pastime of all eccentric innkeepers, he either murders his guests with a big scythe that would make the Reaper himself green with envy or, if he’s not in the mood for a little slicing, he feeds his victims to a crocodile that he keeps in a pool. Hey, at least he’s versatile huh? What’s amazing here is the number of people that arrive in one night’s time at Jud’s “motel”. Here’s a place that’s in the middle of fucking nowhere, is literally falling apart at the seams, and is ran by a guy whose appearance and demeanor literally scream “inbred psycho killer here!” And of course, stupid fuck after stupid fuck decides it’s just the “perfect” place to spend the night, including a pre-Freddy Robert Englund and TCM screamer Marilyn Burns. The major downfall of the film lies with the character of Jud himself. He’s not in the least bit scary, and the viewer never really finds out why he’s crazy to begin with. Typically I don’t need everything explained to me, but here it would have helped. It also doesn’t help that actor Neville Brand just can’t portray a psycho killer very well as his character just came off as comedic at best. The only noteworthy performance comes from Marilyn Burns who shows us once again she’s irresistible to psychos who are looking for a woman to tie up and slap around. And, as much as I enjoy people getting chewed up by a rubbery looking alligator/shark, whatever, even the croc attacks here just sorta sucked. If it wasn’t for the obligatory tit shots here and there I would have been asleep after the first hour or so. “Eaten Alive” is a complete and wretched mess.