Empire of the Ants (1977)

I can honestly say that my eyes have not graced such a horrible movie in a long, long, time. Well.....a couple days at least, but still long. Empire of the Ants is a fine example of a BAD movie. Not as in "so bad it's good", just plain old BAD, in capital letters. Joan Collins heads up a tour of phony real estate she is trying to sell to what has to be the most idiotic characters in movie cinema. The soon-to-be ant fodder consists of bitchy Collins herself, a sleazeball car salesman, the square-jawed "hero" type, a senile old couple, and the token "good girl" (who is pretty damn sexy) as well as one or two others. Trust me, you won't care about them. The ants in this "film" have grown to about ten feet in size thanks to a bunch of radioactive waste that has been dumped offshore by some bad old company. One of the drums washes ashore, attracting the ants, and thus enlarging them to monstrous proportions. Soon the ant attacks start and we are treated to some of the phoniest and hokiest f/x ever. We're talking really bad rubber ants that do nothing but shake themselves and look rubbery at the would be victims. Horrible. When we are not getting up close views of phony ants, we are treated to some truly pathetic superimposing of real ants to the film. The stuff in the old Godzilla flicks was actually way better, and that's saying something. Characters do the most idiotic things (swim towards a boat full of big ants), so much so, that you don't mind them dying. The only thing I kept hoping for was for perhaps a peek at that blond chicks chest or something but since this is PG territory you'll get none of that either. Simply horrible stuff.