Scary Tales (2001)
Shot for about $35,000, this flick from indie director Michael Hoffman entertained me more than the latest mega million, Hollywood snooze fest ever could. "Scary Tales" is a nicely done anthology film which centers around the character of Dennis Frye, a down on his luck, not-to-smart, "average Joe" type who finds himself unemployed and haplessly drowning in a pool of unpaid bills. Looking for employment he finds himself at a rather peculiar unemployment agency, ran by the even more peculiar Mr. Longfellow. The film's three segments open up as Longfellow describes various jobs to Dennis, in which Dennis finds out that each job Longfellow proposes never turns out so good at the end.
Our first story has Dennis employed by a local catering agency. Driving one day with his head in the clouds, he accidentally smacks into a little girl playing with her doll by the side of the road. Pulling a classic hit and run, he zooms off down the road to escape the crime scene. However, faster than you can say "revenge from beyond the grave", the little girl's doll keeps popping up to remind Dennis of what he has done. This segment was my least favorite of the three for the simple fact that I've seen enough of spooky dolls and the like in horror flicks. No more please. I did however enjoy the dolls whisperings whenever it appears, that was somewhat creepy I suppose.
. Our second segment has Dennis working at a used book store, of which it is frequently visited by the love of his life, a foxy and busty brunette who in turn thinks of Dennis as nothing more than a big fat loser. Going through the books in the back one day, our man Dennis comes across a book on astral projection, in which one can project their spiritual self out of the body and walk around basically invisible to everyone else. Dennis gets the great idea of going to the chick's home and subliminally planting the idea in her head while she sleeps that she loves him and wants to marry him. Personally, I would have added you want to have sex with me three times a day, but that's just me I guess. This segment was pretty clever and had me laughing in several spots. You actually feel sorry for the character of Dennis, and of course, once again things don't work out for him in the end.
The third segment has Dennis as a down-on-his luck screenwriter who gets rejected left and right by everyone he submits his scripts to. After fighting with his girlfriend, he gets paid a visit by his hero Edgar Allan Poe, whom Dennis looks to for writing advice. Thinking that since Poe is here with him in the future, Dennis comes up with the brilliant plan of killing Poe and stealing all of his stories for himself. Dennis smacks him in the head with a liquor bottle and buries the man alive. This one had a nice twist ending that actually took me by surprise, though I'm sure those 8 cold Coors did not help my cognitive abilities any. I want to thank director Michael Hoffman right now for gracing us viewers in this segment with a nicely done "bouncing boobs in slow-motion" scene. No, it has nothing to do with the story, but sure was damn nice to watch. For a film made for 35 grand, "Scary Tales" featured some nicely done editing, had a clever script (especially the last two segments), and large, gorgeous boobs bouncing in slow- motion. What more could one want? Let's give Mr. Hoffman and crew round of applause and I'm eager to see what the man could do on a bigger budget. Hey Mike, if you are ever filming in Ohio and need a tall, skinny, goofy looking extra, I'm your man! To check out the official site for the flick go to www.scarytalesthemovie.com.