Commando (1985)
A simply kick ass flick that was required viewing before playing war with the neighborhood kids back in the fifth grade. I'll explain that a little bit later in this review. Arnold plays a retired army commando named John Matrix who simply wishes to live the quiet life and raise his daughter, played by the terminally cute Alyssa Milano. We know Arnold likes the kid because the first several minutes are laced with footage of Arnold doing nice father/daughter things like fishing and getting ice cream with the girl. However, Matrix's down time is interrupted when his former military boss pays a visit to the homestead. Seems someone is offing everyone in Arnold's old squad and the colonel is afraid Arnie is next on the list. That he is indeed, as less than 2 minutes later a gang of mercenaries attacks Matrix's house and kidnap his little girl. We soon find out that a sleazy South American guy wants to be the president of some little country, so he hired one of Arnold's ex-commando buddies who holds a grudge with Matrix to kidnap the girl and force Matrix to do a hit on the current El Presidente. Arnold agrees to do what he is asked, only of course to escape and kick mucho ass en route to save his daughter.
"Commando" does a terrific job at combining the action with a blend of comedic undertones, as this one possesses some of the best Arnold one-liners of all time. So in between the gunfights, explosions and the like, you'll hear Matrix quip various immortal lines like "you'll have to excuse my friend, he's dead tired" and the classic finisher "let off some steam Bennet". Good shit. The action set pieces are terrific, and there's never one dull moment throughout. I even liked Rae Dawn Chong as Arnie's sidekick...she was sassy, sexy, and funny all at the same time. The end climax where Arnold takes out an entire army (without getting hit of course) is great fun, loaded with explosions, guns blaring, and even a nice chopped arm via machete is thrown into the mix. One thing I found funny was at the big attack on the island at the end, why did Matrix decide to blow up all those buildings when his daughter could have easily been inside any one of em'? Just a little lack of logic there, amazing you would find that in a movie like this huh?
As for my opening statement, is it humanly possible to watch the scene of Arnie loading up on all sorts of weaponry in that army surplus store, or the "gearing up" part on the island without wanting to load about 20 plastic guns on your back, smear some of your mom's black eyeliner on your face and take out the entire neighborhood competition? Hell, I'm 25 and I still wanted to do that after watching this one! Good fun and a fucking classic through and through.